I had an impromptu lunch with a friend today.
Thai food. We barely ate any of it because we were talking so much. Ever have one of those lunches?
I heard the other day that "When you open up to people, people open up to God." Well, today, my friend opened up to me about something in her life. I was left with so much compassion, because I've been in the exact same spot. I told her this. I guess you can say we bonded.
Then, after we prayed about her situation, I decided to open up to her about an even deeper issue that I had faced. I won't go into details, but lets just say it was one of those deep, dark "skeletons-in-the-closet" type things that you think you'd just die if someone found out about you. It was years ago, but it still haunts me. And although I know I have been forgiven, well, I still have to check in with God every now and then. I ask Him "Still forgiven?" and He says "Yes" and I can almost feel Him smile at my unbelief. Almost.
So there I was, at lunch, telling my friend something I thought I'd never say out loud.
And I felt God. I felt God so strongly inside of me that my hands were trembling and my stomach was turning and I was sweating. Tears welled up. I knew that God was at my side as I started to speak. Even now as I type this, my hands are cold and I still feel nervous.
I'll admit: I thought about staying silent this afternoon. I thought about chalking it all up to indigestion and a poor nights sleep. I thought about keeping my story to myself.
But God had different plans, and I opened my mouth.
It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
When I began my story, as the two of us sat in my car, my friend put her hand on mine. She looked into my eyes and listened. I searched her face for judgement. I watched her body language. Would she ever see me the same again?
I have one word for you: Freedom. There is freedom in following through on what God is asking you to do - no matter how scared you are. There is a reason that God wanted me to talk to my friend today. I'm not sure what it was - maybe it was even more for my benefit than hers, but whatever the case, I know that God was asking me to take a giant leap of faith... and I did it. Freedom.
I'm reminded, again and again: there is nothing like living a life centered around what God has for you. There is nothing like saying "Here I am. All of me." A warning though... When you say that to God, you'd better believe He's going to respond with "OK! Here We Go!"
Today was a big day. And it's only one o'clock. I'm sort of exhausted.